Breaking free from limiting beliefs: how I transformed my life (and you can too)

Can limiting beliefs lead us to make some of the biggest mistakes of our lives? And knowing this, do we learn from the experience, or do we continue to hold ourselves back?

These questions hit me hard one day as I listened to a podcast on this very topic. I found myself reflecting on the variety of mistakes I've made, especially as a young woman, many of them rooted in not believing in myself. Yet, breaking free from limiting beliefs isn't just a decision; it's a journey, one filled with courage, self-trust and transformation.

Whether you're a high-achieving professional feeling stuck or questioning your life choices, this journey from self-imposed constraints to authentic living offers insights that can inspire your own transformation. It's about learning to identify the invisible chains holding you back and taking the first steps toward living life on your own terms.

The invisible chains that hold successful women back

Our beliefs are woven so deeply into the fabric of who we are that we often fail to see them. Worse, they can create a tug-of-war between our intrinsic needs and the external expectations we chase. For professional women over 40, this battle between authentic self and societal expectations becomes even more complex.

The difference between external validation and intrinsic fulfilment becomes crucial as we navigate midlife transitions. When someone feels they need another person to fulfil a need, this can be analysed through both intrinsic and extrinsic perspectives. The distinction lies in whether the need is coming from within (intrinsic) or driven by external validation, circumstances, or dependencies (extrinsic).

When I reflect on the limiting beliefs I once held, I see how I confused extrinsic validation with intrinsic fulfilment. I believed that becoming someone's wife—an external role—would bring me happiness, security, and a sense of purpose. I thought marriage, even when the relationship was flawed from the start, would satisfy my deep need for love and safety. But what I didn't realise was that depending on external circumstances to meet my internal needs was holding me back from true personal growth.

Breaking free from the familiar: my journey to self-belief

As a young woman, I had little confidence and even less life experience. I had never travelled, lived independently, or even spent a night away from someone I knew. At 20, I married and began following my husband wherever his career took him. With no personal goals of my own, I lived to fulfil his needs and dreams, never a thought for my own, moving from one secretarial job to the next. I lived my life to please my husband, with no plan of my own and so fell into line with his wants and needs.

Over time, however, as my life experience broadened through being exposed to different people, places and having to make new friends, my confidence and trust in myself began to grow, and so did my questions. Why wasn't I happy? What did I truly want?

In my naivety, I thought having a child would fix the cracks in our marriage. But the birth of my daughter didn't mend the relationship—it opened my eyes to what I had been missing: a sense of purpose and the courage to build a better life for her and me.

The turning point: when fear of staying the same becomes greater than fear of change

The love and responsibility I felt for my daughter gave me the strength to confront my limiting beliefs. I realised that clinging to security—a comfortable home and financial stability—had been an excuse to stay unhappy. At the heart of it all was the fear of the unknown and not trusting or believing I could support myself and my daughter, and it was seriously limiting my life.

Wanting the best for her meant wanting the best for myself. It wasn't easy, but taking that first step into the unknown became the foundation for true growth and fulfilment.

The desire to provide her with more than just external security but a life where she could see strength, self-worth, and true happiness, became the catalyst for my transformation. With her perched on my hip and only a bag in hand, I left my marriage and walked into an unknown future. There were no guarantees, only the belief that what lay ahead had to be better than what we were leaving behind.

This journey forced me to confront my intrinsic needs—the need for self-respect, independence, and inner fulfilment—and to acknowledge the fear that had been keeping me stuck. What was I truly afraid of? Was it the unknown, or was it stepping into full responsibility for my own happiness? I had never fully taken control of my life, and the realisation that I was the only one who could meet my own needs was both terrifying and liberating.

The power of radical honesty with yourself

The truth is, until I believed that I was capable of creating the life I desired, I couldn't move forward. The desire to grow had to become greater than the fear of staying the same. Sometimes, we reach a moment where radical honesty with ourselves is the only way to unlock the next phase of our lives.

I had to ask: Am I living in alignment with my own values and needs, or am I trying to fulfil someone else's expectations?

Jackie Clarke

That was my turning point. I recognised that I had been prioritising external validation over my intrinsic needs for self-worth, independence, and personal growth. I had been living in a way that pleased others rather than respecting who I truly was. The moment I made the decision to align with my own values, I let go of the limiting beliefs that had kept me stuck and was able to begin to move forward. And for the first time, I truly believed in myself.

Life beyond limits

It's the stories we tell ourselves that hold us back, and it's only when we challenge these stories that we can break free of limiting beliefs, but first we must confront them. For me, leaving wasn't the end of the struggle; it was the beginning of a new, uncharted life. There were challenges—many of them—but there were also triumphs.

What I've learned through this journey is that life is truly what you make it. I made a commitment to my daughter and myself, and I worked every day to keep that promise and still do to this day.

Today, I live life on my terms. That journey taught me an invaluable lesson: amazing things happen when we start to believe in ourselves. Supporting others to build self-belief has become a passion of mine. I know how daunting it can be to step outside your comfort zone and challenge the stories you've been telling yourself for years. But growth doesn't happen in comfort.

The journey requires you to let go of negative beliefs, embrace discomfort, and take small steps forward. Even now, I'm not immune to doubt. But when fear creeps in, I remind myself of what's at stake. I refuse to return to a life of "put up and shut up."

Where to begin: your first steps to breaking limiting beliefs

If you feel stuck, knowing what you need to do but unable to commit, it's often a limiting belief holding you back. So, ask yourself:

"Can limiting beliefs lead us to make some of the biggest mistakes of our lives? And knowing this, do we learn from the experience, or do we continue to hold ourselves back?"

Think back to a time when you held yourself back because of fear or doubt. What did you learn? What can you take from that experience to guide you forward?

Growth starts with exploration, so take time and space to think these questions through, write down your answers and revisit them over the coming days. This is the start of your journey—you've made the first step, you're on your way.

Ready to join the ProAge revolution?

If this resonates with you and you're ready to embrace your midlife transition with confidence, I'd love to welcome you into our ProAge Community. Together, we're redefining what it means to be a woman over 40 - because the best really is yet to come. 

You never know, this could be the start of your ProAge chapter ...