Midlife mindset and the ProAge Woman

I was recently asked, what do I mean when talking about 'celebrating the pro-age woman?' This question was quickly followed by two more: "How can growing old possibly be something to celebrate? Doesn't ageing mean the loss of youth, beauty, mobility and in some cases your mind, amongst other things?" But before I could offer any answers, she shook her head and said, "No. I can't even begin to understand why you think celebrating ageing, and looking forward to it might be of interest to anyone, let alone celebrated." Then she walked away.

As they often do when we experience confrontation, my unsaid words went around and around in my head over the proceeding days and weeks. I relived that moment over and over, thought about each possible nuance of every possible answer until finally, I decided what I would've and should've said...

Why professional women over 50 are in their prime

As a woman in her early 60's, each morning when I roll out of bed, jump in the shower and catch myself in the mirror, it's hard not to be reminded that I'm not physically or even mentally (if I'm brutally honest with myself) the woman I once was. It doesn't matter if you look back fifteen, ten or even just five years ago. On the surface it's clear to see that I've aged: my skin is not as taught, my eyes not quite as bright, my hair not as luscious and my body shape definitely not as firm with a few extra squidgy bits here and there. I forget the names of people and places (although I remember them eventually in the middle of a totally different conversation) and it sometimes takes me a bit longer to respond to a question. In my defence, I have a lot of memories and stored data to sift through!

But regardless, if you take the time to delve below the surface then what you'll find is a woman in her prime, full of life experiences and earned wisdom, someone not afraid to be herself and, most importantly, who knows what she wants and is not afraid to go and get it. How we approach ageing, especially when we enter our midlife years, will undoubtedly determine the quality of our end of life. I know this all sounds a little depressing to be talking about dying when you've maybe just turned 50, but believe me you'll thank me for bringing this up because time will fly by. So by pressing pause now, considering what you want in the next half of your life and adjusting your mindset in a way that is 'pro-age' (embracing ageing) and not 'anti-age' (trying to stop it), will lay the foundations for what might possibly be the best bit of your life.

The midlife transition: it's all in the mind

Ageing, especially as a woman, brings with it all kinds of challenges: physical, emotional, financial and biological which often leads to confusion and sometimes fear of what's ahead as you enter your midlife. Ageing is inevitable and so the term anti-ageing, to me, immediately sets my mind into thinking I'm entering a place that I must fight against, which can only bring a lesser life and disappointment. By reframing the ageing process to one where we adopt a pro-ageing and not anti-ageing mindset, we can get a different perspective of the mid-life transition, which can be one of positivity and not negativity.

You know that saying, 'you are what you eat', well the same goes for, 'you become what you believe.' Our minds are so powerful but they can easily get stuck in a groove, and I mean this in a literal sense - we develop neural pathways in the brain and so we will often fall back into learned ways, even when they don't serve us. But do not panic. There is a process called neuroplasticity, which means we have the power to create new neural pathways. Can't teach an old dog new tricks? I beg to differ. The downside is we need to put in real effort and work at making the changes that lead us away from the behaviours that keep us in or take us to a place we don't want to be. With this in mind I do regular fitness which is both about maintaining mobility and also I love the women and the social interaction that comes from classes. I also look after my skin (which happens to be the body's largest organ) and I enjoy the odd 'tweakment' which lifts me psychologically as well as keep my skin in good condition. 

I do appreciate that depending where you are in your midlife transition, it may feel like it's too late to make changes, or even to know where to begin, but that's where being amongst other women who have successfully changed their story and have adopted a pro-age attitude to life can help you. This is where you'll find strength and the support you need to make the changes that can turn your life around and allow you to live your best life, no matter what your age or your circumstances.

Women over 50: the past is the past, so let's move on

In today's world, being over 50 doesn't have to mean what it used to for our mothers or grandmothers. The days of becoming invisible, insignificant and without purpose are behind us. YES, they really are! But only if you want them to be. You will have to put in the effort to push through the barriers (they're still there, although often transparent, in our institutions, governments, boardrooms and a host of other places) and take control to drive your own life rather than be told where to park-up and be quiet.
In my mind, and the minds of all women who are supporting the change in attitude to ageing, the mindset of the ProAge woman is vital, embracing change and opening her mind to opportunity, empowerment and limitless possibilities. The ProAge woman can draw on her wisdom to get what she wants and is not afraid to be the person she wants to be and take the steps that make her happy and give her purpose.

I accept that curve balls can be thrown at us as we enter middle age, circumstances change and sometimes, we can be dealt a heavy blow which means we become incapacitated through no fault of our own. We can't plan for unforeseen illness or accidents and neither can we stop the ageing clock which, I think it's fair to say, when you reach 50 is ticking loudly. We do, however, have a choice in how we deal with what life throws us. Either we embrace what's coming our way and learn to work and understand our minds and bodies, or we effectively settle into what has been the systemic erosion of the very essence of what it is to be a woman.
I don't know many who would want to go quietly to the armchair in the corner and wait for their turn to take up a care home bed at extortionate cost to family or State, slowly (and it will be slow because there's so many medications that can keep us ticking over) waiting for death to take us after years of abject misery through poor mobility and loss of purpose. Whereas adopting the ProAge mindset offers the possibility of a later life of happiness and fulfilment. Now who would not want that?

Healthy ageing: embracing new beginnings after 50

Times are changing. There is a societal shift taking place in attitudes towards how women who are 50+ are perceived and a recognition that we are not defined by our age or for that matter our marital or childbearing status. There was so much judgement around ageing and motherhood, so much discrimination around whether you had children or not. This has not disappeared, and there is no doubt that there is still much work to do, but the revolution has been started and so now is the perfect time for women transitioning through perimenopause and beyond. Doors that have been opened or are ajar must be entered and we must be fearless in walking through them. We must continue to challenge stereotypes, change what we don't like and refuse to accept anything that just doesn't work for us just because it works for others.

These days, women are CEO's, entrepreneurs and trailblazers in emerging industries. We are the backbone of educational and cultural establishments all while juggling family and domestic responsibilities. We live complex lives that demand we give everything, often leaving little for ourselves. As we age our wants and needs for ourselves begin to change. Our values become intrinsic to us, and we don't want to compromise when it comes to our beliefs. We see things differently than we did when we were younger because we are experienced, and wisdom is within us so much so that we want to support other women we see who are following us. We want to mentor them and support them to pick up the mantle and continue to make the changes we started, which then leads us to think, "What next?"

This is such a big question and one that needs time and space to explore because, when we open our mind and dig deep, we can sometimes find a little seed of growth that we'd not paid much attention to but is now wanting light. This is where the excitement of new beginnings will flourish and where you take all that you've learnt, all that you love and all the dreams that you had put to one side so that you could provide for yourself or your family, and it's where you step into your ProAge life. This is the time when you see the joy and possibilities that are ahead of you. As you age, you will find the time you never had previously and you will want to do all that you can to ensure you live a long and healthy lifestyle so that you can fulfil those new found wants and desires. Living a ProAge lifestyle is a gift and a blessing, but you can't enter the club without age on your side, so look forward not back and dream big because there is life and fulfilment beyond your 50's, you just have to go find it.

How to start your ProAge journey: a lifestyle coach's guide

If you're still reading, that means maybe you'd like to take your own journey and adopt a ProAge mindset? The good news is that anyone is welcome, the only requirement is you must come willingly and be prepared to open your mind, believe in yourself and, if needed, change your behaviours, which requires effort because you have to work for it. Finding the time to work on yourself requires discipline and dedication, because this is about leaning into you and discovering what it is that you want and work out how to get it. It can be challenging and sometimes painful as you find your truth.

I am here as proof that this can be done. I've been through life's ups and downs; married, divorced, married again, raised a child, set-up and sold businesses, experienced post-natal depression, perimenopause and menopause and am now well into my post-menopause years. I've looked at myself under a microscope and accepted my own failings rather than blame others. I've cried tears of pain and joy and laughed out loud at myself. And at the end of it all, I have never felt so well and in control of myself in my entire life.

The advancement in us as women, understanding our own bodies and the availability of healthcare, nutrition and learning how to move our bodies as we move from 40+ and beyond with each stage, requires us to focus on different physical needs. Talking openly about our mental health and self-care and not feeling guilty in taking time to look after ourselves before we look after others. As women, we have always been placed as the 'carer' whether that's in relation to our children, partners or ageing parents. We are wired to give before we receive and too often to our own detriment. This is all changing and we are becoming selfish, and do you know what? It's a good thing! Regardless of what anyone might say, because they don't know you. Only you know you and you are deserving of self-compassion and self-love.

Living your values: my gift to set you on your ProAge way

Our values are intrinsic to who we are and so it's important that our lives are in alignment with them because when we don't live by them, we often experience anxiety, frustration, unhappiness and loss of purpose. 

This article could be the start of you deciding that you want to make changes in your life and to get you started, begin by asking yourself two simple questions, using the workbook to help you explore what's important to you:

Do you know what values are truly important to you?
Do you live your life in accordance with your values?

Ready to join the ProAge revolution?

If this resonates with you and you're ready to embrace your midlife transition with confidence, I'd love to welcome you into our ProAge Community. Together, we're redefining what it means to be a woman over 50 - because the best really is yet to come.

To download my free workbook on Values and explore what's important to you, join the ProAge Community by clicking the Rediscover Your Purpose button below. 

You never know, this could be the start of your ProAge chapter ...